We had our eighth Introduction to Meditation Class at Yoga Bliss. We explored a guided practice meditation instructor and author, Tara Brach, says can help us cultivate compassion: Seeing Past the Mask.
In Tara’s book, True Refuge, she describes the way we develop in relationship to others – from
our early months in the womb and then with our mothers and close caregivers. We learn the “dance of attunement.”
Our bodies are designed to feel a connection with each other. We have specialized “mirror neurons” that attune us to another person’s state – to sense their emotions, even the intentions underlying their movements. She calls the mirror neurons and the other structures in the prefrontal cortex our “compassion circuitry.”
As we continue to develop, we learn to separate, to build and sustain an individual self. We often seek security and advantage by assessing where we stand in relation to one another. We evaluate who has more power, who is likely to meet our needs or who may pose a threat. She observes:
These computations create a trance of “unreal others”. Real humans feel hope and fear; their motives and moods are complex and shifting; their bodies keep changing. In contrast “unreal others” are two dimensional. When we are stressed and emotionally reactive, almost everyone becomes an “unreal other”.
Research shows that the less we identify with someone – the less they seem real to us – the less the mirror neuron system gets activated. Tara explains that our compassion circuitry is easily blocked when we’re undergoing stress, out touch with our emotions and our bodies. Our unexamined reactivity can even prompt us to judge ourselves harshly as an “unreal other.”
Thankfully we can unblock and activate our compassion – emotionally and physically. The practice of mindfulness engages the parts of our brain (the insula and anterior cingulate cortex) that are key in reading emotion. Tara writes:
When we mindfully recognize another is hurt or afraid we naturally feel tenderness of compassion. That tenderness blossoms fully as we find ways to express our care. This alchemy of letting ourselves be touched by another’s pain and of responding with love is the essence of Buddhist compassion practices.
The mindful practice of cultivating compassion often known as a Metta Meditation enables us to grow our hearts capacity to empathize. We start by contemplating someone we dearly love and all their endearing human qualities. We extend a heartfelt prayer that they be safe, well, at peace and know the joy of life. We widen our circle of caring by considering those who are not so close – different, distant or even hurtful. We contemplate those human qualities we share while peering behind the mask of “unreal other.” Tara asks us to think about:
What comes up first? Do you focus on a particular visual image, a recent conversation, a mood? Now take a moment to look closer. Try to imagine this person’s life from the inside. What dos she love? Where does he fear falling short? What delights him? What makes her anxious? Imagine how this person might be touched by kindness – or hurt by criticism. Has anything shifted in your perspective?
Sometimes it comes as a shock to see the person behind the image we’ve created even the self image we work so hard to secure and sustain. She encourages us to always start and end with kindness and a nonjudgmental attitude – even toward ourselves.
I appreciate this elemental practice because it offers a way to experience a sense of connection to others and with all those parts of ourselves we might wish to distance ourselves from. We can explore and embrace what it means to be fully human.
You can find this week’s homework and other resources at: