This is My Mom in the Day

This is Mom, early twenties, Ontario, Canada in a borrowed car looking glamorous.  Her family emigrated there from Belgium after World War II.  I just got off the phone with her.  She’s spent the last six months undergoing treatment for colon cancer:  multiple surgeries and chemotherapy.  I want to celebrate:  Today, I heard life in her voice!  She’s gradually emerging from the seclusion of fear and pain.  She described making and receiving calls, taking short walks and eating more regularly.  The little things are pretty big when you go without them.

We spent a juicy five minutes talking about the Barbie tea party she had with her four year old granddaughter Lexi, (one of my sister Anne-Marie’s three triplets).  Nana delighted in being one of the only three invited guests.  (Lexi’s Mommy was specifically not invited owing to some earlier “trouble” that day.)

 “At the Banquets of Life, Bring a Big Spoon” borrowed from Rick Hanson

It was so good to hear Mom enjoy her time with Lexi, reliving it with me.  I feel so grateful that she’s beginning to feel good in her body again. I smiled hearing her voice and expressions of genuine interest in family, friends, and the world.   I felt good in my body too.

After our call ended I wanted to dance.  I called my sister with the news. We laughed just as hard as we cried in calls just last week!  I didn’t expect this sudden turn for the better!   Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, author of The Buddha’s Brain, recommends the exercise of  “Taking in the Good.”  He says that “we are what we remember – the slow accumulation of the registration of lived experience . . . what we have “taken in” to become a part of ourselves. Just as food becomes woven into the body, memory becomes woven into the self.”

He goes on to suggest how we might take in goodness by:

Paying attention to the good things in your world, and inside yourself. This includes pretty sunsets, nice songs on the radio, chocolate! People being nice to you, the smell of a baby’s hair, getting something done at work, finishing the dishes, holding your temper, getting yourself to the gym, feeling your natural good heartedness, etc.  You could set a goal each day to actively look for beauty in your world, or signs of caring for you by others, or good qualities within yourself, etc.

Extending the experience in time and space:

• Keep your attention on it so it lingers; don’t just jump onto something else.
• Let it fill your body with positive sensations and emotions.
• Savor, relish the positive experience. It’s delicious!

Sensing that the positive experience is soaking into your brain and body – registering deeply in emotional memory. Take the time to do this: 5 or 10 or 20 seconds. Keep relaxing your body and absorbing the positive experience.  You can find this practice and access many of Rick’s great resources at his web site:

http://www.wisebrain.org/tools/articles/five-essential-inner-skills

After celebrating a bit I sat myself down and listened to the sounds in the room and watched the melting snow falling off tree branches.  As I felt my body and breath calming memories started to come:  my Mom and our Barbie Christmases and birthdays.  I recall thinking how Barbie-glamorous-like Mom was as I watched her apply her make-up.  Oh how I wanted to wear it too!

Today.

Melting snow in rain.

Mom, happy almost at ease.

Today.

Melting snow in rain.

I, happy almost at ease.