Hard to believe that only a few years ago I was running trail marathons in sandals and even ran a 50k ultra marathon. Last year I was out of running much of the year due to a hamstring tear and just when that began healing and I was able to start ramping up mileage again I came down with SIBO and hit a downward spiral of health issues stemming from my gut problems. Now I’m totally sidelined from running, or much activity at all, since I’ve lost over 20 lbs and am still dealing with malabsorption issues.
Running was one of my primary stress relief methods, there was nothing quite like being out in the woods on a trail for hours on end to just drop everything that was bothering me in life, all that existed was movement in nature. Having to give up running is a big stressor in and of itself and is compounded by the general stress of having an illness that has been going on for over six months where there are ups and downs almost every day. It gets depressing at times but I’ve managed to avoid sinking into a real depression over it all.
I credit the discipline and experience that I got from running 3, 4, 5 or more hours at a time in challenging conditions for keeping me going. Just like an ultra where the finish line seems almost impossibly far away I’m now in an ultra where the “healthy” state seems to be very far off. My doctor told me to expect 18-24 months to get back to normal so this is going to be the longest run I’ve ever had far and away. I know from running that you just need to keep focused on the goal and push though any obstacles physical, mental or emotional to get there. When running I wore my RoadID wrist band and on it was engraved “Relentless Fwd Progress” which was my moto, I just had to keep moving forward and ultimately I’d reach the finish line whatever came up. This has become my moto in dealing with this illness, just keep moving forward and one day I will be back to a healthy state.
Just like running though there are times when it seems like I’m not going to make it to that finish. I remember slogging up Goose Rock during the Deception Pass 25k a few years ago, I really did not think I was going to make it up that hill after running about 20k already, I was beat. I got some encouragement from another runner, pushed through and made it to the top and was even able to smile for the photographer there (the banner photo on this page). With my GI issues I’ll have a set of OK or good days where my symptoms are manageable and then I’ll have a flare-up that kicks my ass just like the climb up Goose Rock. At those times I just need to remember that I’ve gotten through past flare-ups, that the flares are getting further apart and lasting less time and that I’ll get through this one. A bit of encouragement from my doctor, a family member or a friend will give me what I need to get through it and get back on course heading to the finish.
I also need to remember to take it easy, something that is kind of hard for me. When I was deciding to run an ultra one piece of advice I got was very helpful and that was “any time after the start gun is a good time to walk.” In ultra running there are very few that actually run the whole event, most people spend time speed hiking, walking or even taking a nap along the trail occasionally. During the rough times it is time to scale back and just take it easy for a while instead of trying to push through and drain resources. My doctor has really encouraged me to actually spend time convalescing so that i can heal. On bad days I know enough to just lie around and cut back on my already low activity level so that I can heal up sooner.
The other important thing I learned is to always look at the progress made so far and not focus on something nagging me at the moment. At the Echo Valley 50k on the last stretch before heading dow the hill to the finish my feet were finally taking a beating and I was running a bit low on energy. I was a little more than a marathon into the run at this point and just had to look back and note that I’d climbed the big hill 2x already, had made it up and down countless smaller hills and was actually now running further than I’d ever run before. That, and a PBJ sandwich, gave me the boost I needed to finish that stretch and head down the hill one last time to the finish. There are days now when I get discouraged since I’ll have gas and bloating start up again and I think “when will this end?” Well, I can look back over the last several months and see that I am making progress in the right direction and the trend is towards health. I’m no longer constipated so badly that I need MiraLax just to go to the bathroom, I’m not in so much pain I can’t sleep at night and I am actually eating quite a bit more variety in foods than I was even a few weeks ago. So while I have rough times I can see that the overall trend is getting me to the finish.
When it comes down to it I’m just doing a different type of ultra now, one to literally save my life and get me back into health and just like a run all I can do is keep making Relentless Forward Progress. What other option is there?