Catherine listens to a lot of podcasts and often recommends some to me. A few days ago she recommended one on How Illness Deepens Us by Michael Stone. I got through all the fluff yesterday and finally got to the meat of the talk today and could very much relate to one of the main koans used in the talk – Dongshan’s Illness. This is Case #98 in Dogen Zenji’s collection of 300 koans – The True Dharma Eye or Shobogenzo (not to be confused with The Treasury of the True Dharma Eye also called The Shobo Genzo. It is also found in several other koan collections and is Case #94 in The Book of Serenity.
Here’s the koan:
When Dongshan Liangjie was not feeling well a monastic said, “Master, you are not feeling well. Is there anyone who doesn’t get sick?”
Dongshan said, “Yes, there is.”
The monastic said, “Does the person who doesn’t get sick take care of you?”
Dongshan said, “I have the opportunity to take care of the person.”
The monastic said, “What happens when you take care of that person?”
Dongshan said, “At that time, I don’t see sickness.”
I liked Michael’s interpretation of the koan, the well person does not take care of the sick person, instead the sick person takes care of the well person. Of course, both the sick and the well are indeed the same people in this case – Dongshan.
I could relate to this completely. It also reminded me of a great blog post called The Gift of SIBO by Jessica Flanigan at AIP Lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, SIBO SUCKS big-time and it sucked being really sick last year but at the same time SIBO was a gift and the sick part of me did indeed teach and heal the well part of me. Before SIBO I was admittedly a pretty selfish person, I did what I wanted for the most part and wasn’t too involved in other’s lives outside of my family and some volunteering with the local trail running community. SIBO changed that drastically. I found support and a whole bunch of new friends from the SIBO and AIP communities on-line and since have met some of these people in person and they have become good friends with whom I can share in the struggles and successes in dealing with this illness. I started a local support group and that has been very healing for me and I know others really appreciate having a place to come and just vent about this mess as well as get ideas on what else to try on their own path. I have gone from not really wanting to work again to working on things that now matter – my SIBO app, studying nutrition and health coaching at Institute for Integrative Nutrition and a new venture with my ND and a mutual friend of ours that is very exciting.
I saw this whole dynamic play out with my dad and his illness too. When he came down with cancer he was still drinking and spent all his time fishing and staying with just a small group of friends. On getting diagnosed with colon cancer his sick self healed his well self completely – he gave up drinking, got involved with a large group of people at his church, helped others dealing with cancer and spent time doing volunteer work at a local prison. Total transformation and healing that wouldn’t have happened had he not gotten sick with cancer. Yes the cancer ultimately killed him but it healed him first.
If I hadn’t gotten SIBO I’d still be spending my time planning my next trip to the Bahamas or Key West to chase bonefish instead of being involved with the lives of others who are dealing with chronic health issues. SIBO has enriched my life a great deal by helping deepen my connection with others and with myself. I have learned to find joy in every day, no matter how shitty I felt on some days. I learned to be grateful for everything that I did have and what health I had, even when it was bad. So as much as SIBO sucks, SIBO is a gift, the sick person can indeed heal the one that is not sick, and when the healing takes place there is no illness and as Dogen says in his ending verse – “When the body and mind are both free, the dragon roars in the withered tree.”
For more commentary on Dongshan’s Illness you can check out: