The Columbia City Yoga on-line Moving into Meditation class met this morning. We explored relational presence in our practice. In relational presence we can stay aware of our inner state while engaging with another. Imagining what we love about a person – even in challenging relationships – can help us recognize how we belong to each other. This awareness is all the more important knowing that the only time we really have is the present moment.
We drew on Oren Jay Sofer’s Speak Your Truth With Love and Listen Deeply: A Training in Mindfulness Based Nonviolent Communication. This course is a beautiful and thoughtful training in how to bring our embodied presence to the world. It can support our relationships and help us to grow as compassionate actors in the world. Today we focused on relational presence: How we can stay present and grounded and in touch while we’re engaged with another person.
We heard poet David Whyte’s beautiful words on belonging. You can find more on this in David’s book, The House of Belonging.
We heard Bernadette Miller’s poem, An Invitation. You can find more of Bernadette’s poetry on Grate Living.
Guided Reflection
Last week we practiced embodied presence which helps us to create the conditions for clarity, insight and wisdom. This holiday I explored embodied presence while spending time with visiting family members and friends. It was a wonderful experience of learning about them. I witnessed how often my own reactive impulses surfaced. I am grateful for the teachings on embodied presence and relational being. Meditation and communication instructor Oren Jay Sofer observes:
The more present I am the more I start to notice you. It’s kind of a mystery of being alive. The more aware we become of ourselves the more aware we become of everyone and everything else. Some of the most meaningful experiences I’ve had . . . are about being intensely present and connected to another person or to the world around me.
I have been blessed with these kind of experiences on the Sundays we gather and share our lives. Together we hold space for tender expressions of feeling and insight. I tried to hold this space for my family this week. I took Oren’s practical advice. He reminded me that:
Relational awareness is staying present and grounded within ourself even as we’re in touch with connected to in dialog with another person.
I found his suggestions really helpful:
Take a short pause before you speak, in the middle of speaking, even after you speak. Even one breath can make all the difference between being automatic or making a different choice. . . . This generally means slowing down . . . Modulating the pace of our speech can help to regulate your nervous system . . . Our speech is tied to our breath and our breath is tied to our nervous system. If you slow the pace of your speech a little, when you slow your breathing a little, you automatically downshift your nervous system.
I paused before speaking. The time helped me to discern when speaking or listening was most valuable. Embodied presence helped me to sense my heartbeat, the pace of my breathing and areas of tension my body. I could also see that we, all of us, were creating a relational experience together: an experience of belonging. Poet David Whyte has said:
The ancient truth is that belonging can only be found in this moment, because there’s no other place for us to live in. It sounds abstract. Yet, all human relationships and love grow from this moment and our ability to be present.
Bernadette Miller describes this in her poem, An Invitation:
Death has always been an invitation
to inhabit the celebration
of this irreplaceable instant.
We plan and hope and fear
but death has always been here.
It’s the inevitable destination
of our vocation as embodied beings.
It’s the blessing in disguise
that helps us realize
the power of the present.
We look to the future for transformation
hoping that the next job or degree
will ease our misery
or help us contribute more fully to society.
But we are already irrevocably whole.
Only in the present can we plant a tree
or comfort a crying baby.
Only in the present can I tell you
how much you mean to me.
Only in the present can we be
the hands and hopes of divinity.
Tomorrow has never been a guarantee.
But it is precisely the uncertainty
of our individual and collective destiny
that kindles our capacity
to be fiercely and tenderly planted
in the only time we ever have.
When we land here and now
we remember how all the people we have known
have grown into our understanding.
And suddenly we are standing
with all of humanity,
certain of our capacity
to surrender to love.
I love her affirmation that “we are already irrevocably whole.” Irrevocably whole. We can be “fiercely and tenderly planted” here and now. Our wholeness includes all the people we have known. Let’s include all of humanity with “our capacity to surrender to love” in our practice today.
I invite you to adjust your posture so your body settles, so you can feel Earth supporting you. You might take a few deep, slow breaths as you enter embodied presence. Then let your breathing relax. Allowing in-breath and releasing out-breath into this circle of belonging. You might notice how these words land in your heart. There is a tenderness that arises in our bodies when we realize that we belong to each other. Our lives are intertwined. Like a wondrous basket forming a greater wholeness.
Notice the quality of presence you may be experiencing. Notice what surfaces in your awareness. What is it like to give yourself this space and time to come together with friends? Friends who value loving kindness and compassion. See if you can tune into the sense of loving kindness inside you.
You might become aware of the loving relationships you have. Notice who comes up for you. Take a moment or two with each being and notice how you feel their presence in your body, your heart, your mind. How are they part of your beloved community? Relationships with family members can sometimes be challenging. They can be hard because we care so much. It’s easy to lose sight of how much we care.
Notice who might come up for you. Instead of focusing on the challenging parts of your relationship, take some time to identify what you love about this person. What do you value about having this person in your life?
What are some things they do or say that you appreciate? How do they contribute to your happiness or well being? Now imagine what it would be like to share this with that person. What would it be like to tell them what you appreciate and value about them or your relationship?
As you settle into what you value most about this person, how does your relational experience change? Getting to essence can help you to remember what you love about one another, that you belong to each other. Let’s sit quietly for a moments and be with this experience.
I invite you to explore moving through this world by engaging people while holding in your heart that they belong to us and we belong to them. Notice what shifts, what expands, what contracts? In this way, we can include all of humanity with “our capacity to surrender to love”