The Yogabliss, Two Rivers/RiverTree Yoga on-line Moving into Meditation classes met this morning.  We explored different ways of sustaining attention:  in meditation, movement and contemplation.  Training our hearts and minds to stay with personal experience is a way of strengthening the ability to “be with” another person.  We need to see and touch another person in order to flourish and grow.  Sadly, being with another is something that social distancing has made painfully difficult.

I am so grateful that we are able to create a safe space in which to communicate and care.

We drew on a podcast discussion, How to Meet Your Needs for Connection: Attunement,  between psychologists, Forrest and Rick Hanson. They explore our fundamental need for connection and the qualities that are essential to meaningful relationship. They also share about their personal experiences with the emotional risks of attunement.

We heard Oregon poet laureate, Kim Stafford’s poem Believe in Song.  In down to earth language, the poet asks us to trust the exchange of deep listening and singing our song.  Kim offers a series of Pandemic Poems at his web-site. Writing poetry is an inspiring way to bring heart and creativity to metabolizing the difficult experiences of the past year.

Relaxed Reflection

Developing continuity of mindfulness is an essential part of meditation practice . . . If you notice the mind has wandered, no problem, simply begin again . . . feeling the breath wherever it is . . . . . . . bringing sustained attention to our experience of being . . .   In sustained loving awareness our hearts can experience safety.  We’re creating the space in which our hearts can tell their stories and sing their songs.  

We can bring that same quality of sustained attention to our relationships . . . We can bring sustained attention to our experience of being with an other. . . Opening to hear an other’s stories and songs . . . Caring attention, loving awareness making being and “being with” possible.

I think we can sense the spirit of whole heartedly “being with” each other through the tender words of Kim Stafford’s poem:  Believe in Song:

When a bird sings from hiding,
believe every word.  When the singer
sends a banner of song, believe every
shimmer your quickened heart reveals.
Too long have you denied yourself
the food of singing, the river bounty
of song, the strong hunger made more
sharp and precious with every note
the singer sends on the wings of a little
wind from one heart to another.
Sister, brother, believe the song
revealing how we all belong
in the ringing, singing, stinging
rapture of the tune.  We’re gone
too soon, but now, here, all,
may we revel in the song.

Let’s rest now in the hum that rides on the wind between our hearts . . . The song of belonging has gathered us here today . . . We can take shelter from the isolation that often keeps us alone and lonely.  With caring attention and loving awareness we might tell our stories or hear our own inner music.  

Psychologist and mindfulness teacher, Rick Hanson, identifies three qualities we can bring to each other in relationship:  attention, availability and responsiveness. He compares deep listening to parenting.  It’s a sustained attention maybe lasting four breaths or a half minute.  We attune to an other’s needs and moods. We begin to calibrate our own behavior to get in sync with an other. This may seem like a lot to ask of us.  Yet it is this kind of attunement that enables us to grow and thrive.  As developing children we risk venturing out into the world more willingly from the safety of loving eyes and arms.

As in meditation, it is helpful to notice how we are paying attention. Rick suggests that:

. . . it’s helpful to imagine what’s coming toward you is almost like a song . . . with lyrics, melodies and underlying base. . . .  You are opening the bandwidth of your receptive attention to take in what an other being says in words, tone and body language.

This open hearted listening also shows a willingness to be changed by what we hear.  The wings of a little wind touches our hearts.  We can take a moment to reflect on what that means.  Perhaps you can recall an experience of having been moved by attuning to someone who shared their heart.  How were you moved?  What made that movement possible?  As poet Jane Hirshfield observes:  How fragile we are between a few good moments.

We bring ourselves to relationship not only in what we hear – it’s also what we are able to say – to share from our hearts.  We are revealing ourselves to another with the hope that we will be received.  In friendship we open our hearts to on another.  With grace we can go beyond judgment and truly seek to be understood and to understand.  We carry our songs and stories awaiting that magic moment when we can sing and share.  

In our mindfulness practice we aim to develop concentration and to cultivate life affirming qualities:   empathy, loving kindness, compassion and equanimity.  We also try to enliven our curiosity and caring.  We try to build our capacity to be with what is – just as it is.  We are challenged to acknowledge how much we don’t know and can’t control.  In fact, we offer this “don’t know” mind and heart to each other.   I will drop my assumptions and judgments about you because you are an ever changing constellation of life expression.  Because you and I share what it is to be human.  In recognizing these truths we feel compassion, we are able to accept and forgive.  

Sister, Brother believe the song revealing how we all belong.