This month our Moving into Meditation class is focusing on the Yoga Ethic of Svadhyaya or “self-study.” The first part of the word—sva—means “self.” The second part—dhyaya—is derived from the verb root dhyai, which means “to contemplate, to think on, to recollect, or to call to mind.” We also drew inspiration from Buddhist meditation teacher and writer, Pema Chodron’s extensive teachings on how we can befriend ourselves in meditation. (See Shambala Publication’s A Pema Chodron Primer.)
In our guided meditation we explored Pema’s practice of “making friends with ourselves” unconditionally. Kindness, compassion, and deep love are what true friendship offers. Being friends with ourselves does not mean that we will not know disappointment or concern. In all relationships there are times of confusion. Yet, at some fundamental level we trust the confusion will pass. Deep friendship is worthy of unconditional reflection. In self reflection there is also a possibility of transformation.
The Yoga Sutra on self-study reads:
svādhyāyād-iṣṭa-devatā saṁprayogaḥ
Self-study and reflection on yourself (svadhyaya) brings you into contact with the desired ideal.
svādhyāyat = self-study; learning from one self; iṣṭa = loved; sought out; devatā = godliness; personal God; ideal saṁprayogaḥ = connected with; oneness
Pema advises us that it is in self study and reflection – in making friends with ourselves – we learn who we are. Transformation comes with accepting who we are unconditionally: our desired ideal. With gentleness and kindness we become fully aware of all of our traits. The key is to accept them – to give ourselves a break— for that is what we do for friends.
Pema encourages us to experience the rawness of every moment – to embrace the feelings we have about what is occurring. She suggests that we “Don’t speak, don’t act” as a way of meeting the moments of every day. Receive what we are given –without the reaction of a label, judgment or opinion. We experience the rawness of the moment – the emotion of each experience.
In meeting the emotion of each experience without acting or speaking, we create space and time between experiences. Space and time – qualities of mindfulness – allow us to strengthen our minds as we meet the moments of life. Moments in which we are challenged with difficult emotions. For many of us, a nebulous fear of change or loss of control seems to simmer below the surface of things.
Pema offers a “F-E-A-R” practice as a way of examining difficult characteristics and emotions that are in all of us. In revealing them, awareness begins and transformation is possible. She says “When you learn to smile at your fear, to be with your fear, you become an authentic friend to yourself, and thereby develop confidence.” Here is a guided exploration:
Recall now, a difficult emotion that is salient for you. Perhaps by recalling the circumstances in which the feeling arose – where you were, who you were with, what you were doing . . . Now:
F-ind the feeling in your body. Locate the pain or difficult emotion. Where is it? What does it feel like? What color is it? Does it have a shape? Does it have any words?
E-mbrace the feeling. Treat that pain or fear or anger or grief the way you would treat a crying baby…with compassion and kindness. With an acceptance of the upset and a loving embrace.
A-llow the thoughts that surround the upset to begin to dissipate. Don’t try to avoid them, don’t shame yourself for having those thoughts. Simply acknowledge that they exist and let them fade into the background. Continue to notice where the discomfort is, what it feels like and how it changes as you focus on it with loving attention. How does it change when you stop giving credence to the thoughts and meaning surrounding the sensation of discomfort?
R-emember others who might be experiencing similar pains or fears or difficulties. Pain and suffering are human experiences. Our particular grief or anger feels unique to us, chances are there are thousands of others around the world feeling very much the same way we are feeling. In your mind, send those others your empathy, your compassion, and your hopes that their suffering will be lifted.
It takes courage to live with an open heart – to drop our preconceptions about how life should be and stay open to our experience in the moment. Unconditional acceptance means that we will be there for ourselves with an open heart. We see and feel with our heart; we listen and experience with our head. It is our heart that leads.
We can do this in the space and time of kindness and compassion. The qualities of mindfulness that allow us to strengthen our minds as we meet life whole heartedly.