We had our first meeting of our Living Beautifully Meditation Book Group at Yoga Bliss yesterday.  We came together for gentle yoga practice, meditation and discussion of the overview section in Living Beautifully.  I have to say this book is definitely an “in your face” challenging read. In her teaching of the Three Commitments, Pema interprets very old, traditional practices in a very fresh way – she takes materials that were intended for monks living in monasteries and makes them relevant to those of us who are living in a world of cell phones, computers and reality TV.  She describes ways to lessen the suffering we experience by trying to avoid the inevitable changes we face as we live, grow old and eventually die.  (and with a sense of humor!!!!)

In the first chapter Pema explores our response to “the fundamental ambiguity of being human”.   We all know “. . . pleasure and pain alternate in our lives, hour by hour, day after day . . . “  She says:  “. . . when we resist change it’s called suffering. . . . When we can embrace groundlessness . . . that’s called enlightenment or awakening to our true nature.”  Embracing groundlessness . . . hmmmm . . . this was an issue that spoke to several of us including me.  I’ve spent a lot of time getting grounded and it feels pretty good.  Yet, the ground crumbled beneath me when my Mom died this year.

Pema says we have fundamentalist tendencies that we use to comfort ourselves.  At the core of these tendencies is our “fixed identity”.  We busy ourselves with trying to rearrange reality to conform to our view: “ . . . this is what it means to be in denial:  you can’t hear anything that doesn’t enter into your fixed identity . . . even something positive . .  . you can’t take it in unless it’s already a part of your self definition.”  Upon reading and discussing this section I’m recognizing the many ways I construct my life to nurture and support this identity.  It’s a bit paradoxical.  Isn’t “self-esteem” healthy?  I suppose she’s questioning the ways we esteem “self” in order to avoid the unpleasant and sometimes very frightening feelings that arise with change.

Beyond the personal, at the community level these fundamentalist tendencies harden into tribal views, which create unspeakable suffering in our world.  She referred to an article entitled, Moral Combat, by war correspondent Chris Hedges.  He also says we take refuge in our fixed view:   “. . . There’s a great comfort in it, because it discourages self-criticism and self-reflection.  Retreating into tribal groups is a way to revert to a childlike state of security, rather than live as an adult and struggle with ambiguity . . . I think that those who remain open to other realities must always cope with anxiety. That is the pain of being fully human.”

Pema says our greatest teachers are those who challenge our fixed identity. While I love my friends – I think my family members are often my greatest teachers.  My two sisters and I came together to care for my Mom during her final illness and hospice care.  As I reflect on that time in the light of Pema’s teachings, I realize how each one of us were clinging to what we thought was “best for Mom” in addressing the many urgent questions that arose about her care.  As you can imagine, we didn’t always agree.  The resulting drama gave us something to displace the anguish, fear and grief that arose just witnessing her pain.  Only months later I’ve begun to acknowledge these feelings.  This book is helping me begin to see that situation clearly enough to begin unraveling the conflicts with my sisters.  Wow.

Pema says our attachment to wanting things to be a certain way is a gage or barometer of “ego-clinging”.  She describes attachment in Buddhist terms as Shenpa – a visceral experience of feeling hooked and responding by grasping or pushing away.  We turn to anything to relieve the discomfort – the feeling of insecurity.  Thankfully she offers an antidote to this situation.  The practice of simply directing our full attention to the sensation – it could be anxiety or physical pain – and breathing in and out of the spot that hurts.  She says we “become receptive to the direct experience of it – without dwelling on whatever “story line” the mind is making.”  We explored the experience of “sensation without interpretation” in our yoga practice.

Pema goes on to discuss Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor who wrote about the experience of having and recovering from a stroke.  In her book, My Stroke of Insight, Dr. Taylor says that an “emotion like anger, that’s an automatic response lasts 90 seconds . . . when it lasts longer it’s because we’ve chosen to rekindle it.”  Pema says we fuel it with our thoughts . . . recycling the story line . . . strengthening our old habits.  She suggests we refrain from this habitual response and do the “1 ½ minute thing” which is to:  acknowledge the feeling . . . with full compassionate . . . welcoming attention. . . have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation . . .”

I do the 1 ½ minute thing often – especially when a distressing memory of my Mom’s suffering arises.  I watch myself keep it alive – adding more drama with my imagination – and sort of taking it on as part of who “I” am.  I’ve realized recently that I don’t have to prolong the scene this way –  nor do I have to run away from it.  As I write this I realize that I can view these experiences like the fleeting appearance of a deer on the trail.  I’m awake to it – I experience wonder – without expectation – and let it go.

Pema describes the true nature of our minds as vast as the sky.  Our thoughts and emotions appear like clouds that obscure the sky.  If we want to experience the sky’s boundless nature we need to be curious about the clouds.  She promises that staying open and receptive for even a short time starts to interrupt deep-seated resistance to feeling.  It’s the foundation for training in the Three Commitments to:  not cause harm, take care of one another and embrace the world.  Underlying the Three Commitments is the “. . . basic instruction to make friends with yourself. . . to extend honesty and kindness to yourself.”  She also describes this practice as compassionate self-reflection.   Right now you can

i.       Be fully present

ii.       Feel your heart

iii.      Engage this moment with complete awareness

You can find this week’s homework and other resources at:

Living Beautifully Meditation Book Group Meeting 1 Homework

I sincerely hope this material will be helpful to everyone who is curious and willing to explore.  I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from each other.

Namaste!