The Columbia City Yoga on-line Moving into Meditation class met this morning.  We remembered our dear friend Karl this morning.  He and Ellen created a loving nest in which they welcomed and nurtured many of us.  We carry them both in our hearts feeling the grief of Karl’s passing and the beauty of his spirit.  We reflected on how we meet one another in the flow of giving and receiving.

We heard from the Tricycle Magazine essay, The Dance of Reciprocity.  Former Buddhist nun and meditation instructor Melina Bondy shared her experience of transforming her relationship to giving and receiving.  Melina shares her personal  experiences of caring and being cared for.  She invites us to consider the generosity we express when we can truly receive from others.

We heard Alberto Rios’ poem When Giving is All we Have.  The opening lines are “one river gives its journey to the next.”  To me, this expresses the life we inherit and then bequeath to one another.  It is a light that lives lifetimes – often in our acts of loving kindness and compassion.

Guided Reflection

Welcome.  Last week we explored our relational being through the experience of rescuing and nurturing a wild baby screech owl.  Hearing about this little miracle can inspire us to appreciate, bond and care deeply for the more than human world. We can keep our hearts open.

Our hearts opened when our dear friend Ellen told of us her beloved Karl’s passing. We then entered a different time:  a time of silence; a time of grieving for Ellen, for Ellen and Karl’s friends and family.  We entered a time for drawing our circle closer.  

I’ve been freely associating about Karl and Ellen while breathing and walking over forest paths. Memories surface in the body’s time, in Earth’s time.  I remember simple joys:  the welcoming space of Karl and Ellen’s home;  sitting around the kitchen table watching birds come to the feeders they keep full.  Like the birds, I was always welcome.

If you knew Karl, you might take a few moments now and reflect on your own experiences of joys shared with he and Ellen.  If you didn’t know Karl you might tune into a feeling of compassion in your heart.

The little visits I spent with Karl and Ellen came to my heart.  Karl was so generous.  He always offered a warm hug.  He and Ellen expressed genuine interest in what I had to share:  a story, a favorite book, films, travel experiences.  We gave and received each other’s offerings.   In truly meeting, we were giving and receiving beyond transactional limits.  

Here is my very humble Haiku:

We exchanged faces
Giving and receiving our stories
Moments of joy

I’ve been thinking about the magic of giving and receiving freely.  In accepting a gift you are also giving a gift.  Truly receiving another’s offering is so intimate. You are meeting another, connecting with them.  You are allowing yourself to be changed by receiving what or who is offering.  It is an affirmation of our shared humanity.  

I want to conjure this magic in the moments I find it difficult to receive.  I often find it easier to give than receive.  I was taught the value of independence and self reliance.  There is vulnerability in both offering and receiving.  Will my gift be accepted?  Am I giving freely?  You might reflect a bit on your own experience of receiving the offerings of others.  Or consider your experience of giving.  

In the Dance of Reciprocity, meditation teacher Melina Bondy writes:

. . . I still find it hard to accept simple things like help with a suitcase, a compliment . . . My first impulse is to say, “No, I’m okay. I don’t need anything.” I have had to learn to bite my tongue when the habit to refuse arises, because this kind of refusal arises from the delusion of separateness. This compulsive self-sufficiency is as miserly as holding on to something that could be shared. The perfection of generosity, however, breaks down the barriers of self and other and frees me from the pain of holding back. . . . 

In the end, it’s not so important who gives and who receives. What matters is cultivating the openhandedness that takes us beyond clinging to our separation and into an awareness that all is given and received.

Here is poet Alberto Rios’ When Giving Is All We Have

One river gives
Its journey to the next.

We give because someone gave to us.
We give because nobody gave to us.

We give because giving has changed us.
We give because giving could have changed us.

We have been better for it,
We have been wounded by it—

Giving has many faces: It is loud and quiet,
Big, though small, diamond in wood-nails.

Its story is old, the plot worn and the pages too,
But we read this book, anyway, over and again:

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.

You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Together we are simple green. You gave me

What you did not have, and I gave you
What I had to give – together, we made

Something greater from the difference.

Let’s explore the many gifts of our practice.  As we sense each beautiful being in our circle let us also know:  “giving is, first and every time, hand to hand, mine to yours, yours to mine.”  There is caring, connection and generosity in practice.  

Take a few deep, slow breaths.   Feel the return of natural breathing and the body settling.  Know that you can bring mindfulness and compassion to the breath and body, or other strong experiences as they arise.  See if you can be with this experience of being alive right now.  Breathing.  Feeling.  Sensing.  Thinking.  Arising.  Subsiding.  Feel these expressions of aliveness. 

We become who we are in relation to each other.  We give each other our faces.   This often happens in ordinary moments.  In the space and time of a few breaths.  You might call to mind a human or a more than human that offered you their face, their eyes and ears, their voice, their touch. Notice who surfaces.  As you hold them in your mind’s eye you might offer them your own face.  Feel the feelings of meeting in this way.  Breathe and let it be.  

You might think of someone who has nurtured you.  Someone who has gifted you small acts of kindness, ordinary acts of care.  Perhaps someone who greets you during the course of your day.  Allow memories to surface or simply rest in open awareness.  If someone or something resonates with your heart you can explore how it feels in the body to receive care.  We are of the nature to need care.  Take some time and explore the expression, the nature of feeling.   Breathe and be with this experience – how it lives inside you.

You might also imagine the joy of giving this person experienced.  How you met one another in those moments.  Imagine your love living in their heart – even if they have passed on – you can know that your love once lived in their heart. Your presence kindled happiness and joy. Together you form a circle of love, a flow of giving and receiving. This is the love that makes life possible. We can remember that all is given and received. 

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.